i seriously need to go to therapy. I’m thoroughly convinced that I’m bi-polar and a manic-depressive. Living like this, on the edge of constantly wanting to jump off a bridge is not healthy. The longer this goes on, the more intense the emotions and urges get.
I just want to get a hold of some good drugs and fade away for a few months or so.
I lied. Maybe it will save my ass, maybe it will fuck me over.
But either way I don’t have to strip.
I felt cheap… And I don’t want that. I’m worth more than that. Some girls can do it and that’s fine for them. I’m just not made for that sort of thing. I made money, but who cares? Money isn’t worth that to me. I thought I could handle it, but turns out that I’m better off pole dancing in my living room.
Teddy has a part in a movie today. It’s an extra part but I still think it’s cool. It’s called “Adult World”. I wish I could go… But oh well, I’m still happy for him.
Maybe things can get better. I just have to stick it out.