And all I can do is look at it with disdain. I am so tired of being fat and I’m genuinely trying to lose weight… but all she does is shove food down my throat. I can’t not eat it because she cooked all day… So I might slip into an old habit tonight. =/
I can feel my heart crumbling up into little jagged pieces and I know that there’s no industrial strength love glue capable of repairing it. Our world is a mess. I cry for all the souls that are are less fortunate than me. I mourn for the children starving to death, not just in third world genocidal countries, but in our own perfectly trimmed & decorated American back yards. I mourn for the Mothers that drop their Babies off at daycare before going to home room. I mourn for the Junkies driven into madness and the Drop-Outs destined for failure. I mourn for the delicate Ballerinas turned Exotic-Dancers and their Alcoholic-Daddies. My heart is broken for our earth. I cry for the drowning polar bear unable to find an icy place to rest his weary bones because of our selfish and destructive mannerisms eating away at his home. I mourn for the alley cat whose tail burns to amuse a twelve year old cretin brought up by violence. But most of all my heart goes out to those who share my pain. We ache to right every last wrong in the world, and exhaust ourselves in attempting this impossible goal. We see all the suffering and non-compassionate insanity and it feels like burning spurs kicking us in the sides, urging us to help. And the only thing that hurts worse than that sharp heat is the shattering cold when we realize that there is nothing to be done. No matter the size of your heart or even the shallow depths of your pockets there is no cure for this instability and sooner rather than later it will all come crashing down around us. I only hope that when that happens I’ll find myself lucky enough to be surrounded by the ones I love.